Debriciner Rov: When Your Father Asks You To Pass His Cigarettes
What should you do if your father asks you to give him something that the Doctors told him will damage his health? Is there an aveira to disobey him or is it better not to let him harm himself? The Chida in Birkei Yosef (640:10) says, based on the Sefer Chasidim (234) that if it will put your father in danger you shouldn't give it to him, but if it will only cause him harm you should bring it to him as he requested.
The Debriciner Rov (Be'er Moshe 1:60:10) wants to argue and say that you should not help him cause himself harm. The reason is that although a father may be Mochel on his kavod, however the Rivash (220) says that on his Bizayon, his disgrace, he cannot be Mochel. The Be'er Moshe proves from the gemara that causing pain is worse than causing minor embarrassment. Therefore it stands to reason that the father certainly cannot be Mochel on his pain. He brings many Acharonim that agree with him and he refutes the Chida's proof from the Sefer Chasidim.
Based on this the Debriciner Rov once answered someone that he may not purchase or pass cigarettes to his father, even if he asked him to do so. With regard to hiding his father's cigarettes or stealing them, although he is not sure, nevertheless he says it seems that you should not go that far.
Important Note: We try to convey the Tshuva to the best of our ability. We admit that our understanding may not be accurate. Please also understand that this Tshuva may not be the final word on this topic. One should consult a Rav before drawing any conclusions.
RS, Gateshead, 2010-05-03 03:53:30 A TIMELY WARNING! As discussed in today's Daf (Sanhedrin 80), even in the case where one is obligated to disobey one's father, great care must be taken to do so with the utmost KOVOD! This is not always easily done, especially if the father is heavily addicted r"l. Great fore-thought and planning must be in place, and in difficult cases Daas Torah must be consulted.
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