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Section:  Avodah   Category: Bnei Bayscha
Parshas Vayikra: The Kemitza, The Secret Recipe To A Great Marriage
The Yagdil Torah relates that at the Chasuna of one of the most Chashuv Chasidim of Kotzk someone wrote him a Bracha, using the words of the pasuk "VKomatz HaKohen Mimena", the Kohen should take a Kometz from the Korban Mincha (Vayikra 5:12).  

The meaning of this was that the gemara in Brachos (8a) says that in Eretz Yisroel after the Chasuna they would ask the Chosson "Matza" or "Moitza".  Matza from the pasuk Matza Isha Matza Tov (Mishlei 18:22), he who finds a wife finds good, meaning he found a good wife.  Or "Moitzei Ani Mar MiMaves Es HaIsha", in my wife I found something more bitter than death (Koheles 7:26).  The difference between Matza and Moitza is whether the Mem has a Komatz or Cholam.  The bracha was that the Chosson should have a Komatz like the pasuk, and have a wonderful marriage.

Rebbi Akiva Eiger was asked why by a Chasuna is there is minhag to grab the Challa of HaMoitzi from the Chosson.  He answered that we grab the "Moitzi" in order that the Chosson should have the Matza and have found a fine wife.

What is the secret to the Komatz that it signifies a good marriage while the Cholam tells a story of bitterness?  Maybe we an offer that Komatz means to restrict to close.  Our mouth takes on a very restrictive shape when we say the Komatz sound as opposed to the Patach which means to open wide and is the sound we are told to make when the doctor needs us to look inside.  The secret to a happy marriage is to close the mouth and not let everything on our mind come tumbling out.  Our words should be restricted like the three fingered Kemitza of the Kohen, and so should our expectations and creams.

On the other hand Cholam is the word for dreams.  If we have big dream and expectations from our spouses, we are surely to be disappointed and frustrated along the way as our fantasies are not played out in the tough place called reality.  These dreams if not curtailed will end in bitterness and finger pointing if we don't close our mouths.  With these dreams we will find a life more bitter than death.

It is up to us to take the Komatz route and close our mouths and then we will find a wonderful wife.  Or we can dream on about how it was supposed to be, and never realize the wonderful women on our side.  So, Matza or Moitza, what will it be?

RELATED ARTICLES:kometz  Kotzk  marriage  Rebbi Akiva Eiger  sholom bayis

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