Section: Halacha   Category: Tshuvos
Rav Yisroel Yaakov Fisher - Is Your Daughter's Generous Dowry Robbing Your Son's Inheritance?
Today many people promise large sums of money as a Nidunia for their daughter's Chosson.  The gemara Kesubos (52b) says that it is not good to give money that will be your son's inheritance, for your daughter's dowry.  The Rosh goes further by saying that Halivai we should give our sons as much as we give our daughters. 

Rav Yisroel Yaakov Fisher was asked if this practice is permissible, in order to get for your daughter a boy who is a Talmid Chochom?  He says that the minhag is justified halachicly.  The gemara says that a person should sell all his possessions in order to get a Talmid Chochom for his daughter.  Therefore the purpose is not to take the money away from his son but rather to be Mikayem the words of Chazal.  Moreover, since he is still alive, he may do what he wants with his money.  He may not take money from his son and give it to his daughter, but he may spend his money for his own benefit.  In this case, that benefit is to have a talmid chochom for a son-in-law. 

Rav Fisher brings from the Minchas Yitzchok (6:147), who quotes the Panim Meiros, who says that there is a difference whether he gives the dowry by his own volition or is pressured into it.  If it is willingly then he is using his money for his own purposes and it is permitted.  If he is being forced then it can become a problem.

Important Note: We bring this tshuvah as a starting point for discussion and not to convey any halacha.  We try to convey the Tshuva to the best of our ability. We admit that our understanding may not be accurate. One should learn the tshuva to verify the accuracy of our interpretation.  Please understand that this Tshuva may not be the final word on this topic. One should consult a Rav before drawing any conclusions.